My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
