Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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