can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
