He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize