I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
