I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
