I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
