it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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