I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
