I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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