We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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