It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize