first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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