i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
