so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
