youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You may now shotgun with the bride
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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