Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize