I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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