There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
