That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
