I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Randomize
