Ambien. No doubt about it.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
