k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
