I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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