i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
