so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
