I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
