Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
