Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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