woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
