I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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