I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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