3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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