She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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