We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
