Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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