i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
