I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize