you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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