Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
