kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
