the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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