I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
