Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Randomize
