Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
