I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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