Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
