I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
