can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
