I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
