It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
