On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
