Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize