I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
