where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
