Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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