Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
