Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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