I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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