have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
