i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
