i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We named our party play list daddy issues
false alarm. still invincible.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
