Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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