Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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