Im at strip club and am horny
Me too!
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
