how can u be prego again
Betty ford says i'm here all night
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
did i just pee glitter
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
