I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
