you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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