where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
how drunk are you?
Several
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
