What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
