We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
