At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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