i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The best revenge is premature balding
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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