who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Rumble strips road head = magical
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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