is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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