ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
