Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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