you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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