from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
