I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
