Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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